Not so merry?
Merry ~ cheerful and lively.
Merry Christmas...all is merry and bright...it's the most wonderful time of the year...Christmas isn't a season it's a feeling...
What if your reality during this season doesn't match all these ideas and sayings? For many people this is a hard season mentally and emotionally. How can we fight for joy and focus on Jesus despite how we "feel"? How do these emotional and mental struggles refine us and make us more like Christ? I am going to share a little bit about my own struggle here in an effort to show that you are not alone, how I have to fight for joy, and to help us all focus and rely on Jesus - the reason for this joyful season.
I am thankful you can't see my thoughts on my worst days. They bounce all over the place. One minute I am thinking about all my failures, the next I am thinking about all I need to be doing, then the next I am trying to remind myself of the truths from God's word, and then I start to worry about what others are going to think of this or that, then I just get overwhelmed in all these thoughts and I just want to sleep. I just want to escape the battle in my mind. It is truly exhausting. Exhausting in way that is hard to understand and even harder to describe.
Scriptures say:
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. 2 Cor. 10:3-6
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
During these times of mental and emotional struggle I tend to forget that the war I am waging is not according to the flesh. I forget about His divine power that can destroy these strongholds in my mind. I often struggle to take every thought captive, it can be exhausting and feel hopeless. It is so hard to renew my mind. You see, by forgetting about HIS divine power I try to do it on my own! I have learned that I can not do it on my own!! I MUST CLING TO JESUS and trust Him. Understanding these things doesn't mean the struggle magically and suddenly goes away, but it does help me endure until it passes.
I often describe this struggle to that of a gazelle being chased down my a loin in the wild. It can also be like stumbling in the dark and stepping on Legos as you search for the light. It can be filled with anxiety, exhausting, and painful. I do always find the light though. It does get better. No matter how hopeless it feels, there is always HOPE! For our HOPE is in Christ and He has already won the war for us.
So how do I make it through....how do I focus on Christ...how do I keep clinging to His promises and trust Him to lead me out of the darkness?
- Understand that "feelings" are not TRUTH! During my depression, often times my feelings have NO connection to reality. During these times, reality is somewhere outside of my broken brain. Reality is defined by God's Word and it is solid and unchangeable. It can be dangerous to evaluate anything in your life in the midst of the fog that is depression. It is just too easy to misinterpret reality! Instead, just leave it all up to God until the fog fades. God is good and faithful! He can handle our lives even when we feel as if we can't. Faith is not a feeling. Faith is believing that God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He'll do. When I am depressed I struggle to believe in God's faithfulness. I struggle to trust that He will see me through, that this will get better, that there is light a the end of this tunnel. This is where I often pray, "Lord, I believe...Help my unbelief!". So, we must separate our feelings from the TRUTH.
- Reach out to a trusted friend who will remind you of truth. Depression seeks to isolate. It keeps me stuck inside my head. I need people in my life who will tell me truth. Not people who think they can "fix" it. People who will speak truth not in a rash or corrective way, but gently speak truth to me as an anchor. One of my greatest desires during times of depression is to shut people out. It can be necessary to distance yourself from some people, but I have learned that I truly do need 1 or 2 who know that I am struggling and I can trust to pray for me. When my friend speaks truth to me, or simply just lets me know she's praying or thinking about me, it is an anchor I can hold on to. It is an anchor that is grounded in Jesus that helps me stay connected to Him. It helps me focus on the truth.
- Let the sun feed your soul. When our bodies and minds are sick it can pull our soul down. Even though depression is primarily a struggle of my mind, my body suffers as well. I have widespread pain and I often feel very fatigued. When I can get outside on the sunny days and go for a walk, or at the very least find some time to do light exercises, it helps my body feel better. Charles Spurgeon said, "A day’s breathing of fresh air upon the hills, or a few hours’ ramble in the beech woods’ umbrageous calm, would sweep the cobwebs out of the brain of scores of our toiling ministers who are now but half alive. A mouthful of sea air, or a stiff walk in the wind’s face, would not give grace to the soul, but it would yield oxygen to the body, which is the next best." I have found that if I can embrace the sunshine, go for a walk, watch the sunrise or sunset it really does help me. I don't always "feel" like it....I often just want to hole up in the darkness of my bedroom and stay in bed, but a little exercise and sunshine really does wonders for my darkened mind and weary soul.
- Fight for joy through worship. The most common way I worship is through music. Music has a powerful ability to nurture our souls. God created music! My favorite verse is Zephaniah 3:17 ~"The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in his love. He will delight in you with singing." I absolutely love the fact that Jesus is singing over us! I often fall asleep listening to my praise and worship playlist. It does take time for my soul to "feel" joyful, but by saturating my mind with praise and worship music I keep fighting for the return of the joy of my salvation. Currently my favorite album is Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs by Shane and Shane. The songs Portion and Steadfast Love are two of my favorites! Good music helps us engage our hearts during these dark seasons. Colossians 3:16 instructs us to "Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts." There is just something about singing to the Lord that connects us to Him in indescribable ways. We can have that connection even in times of depression. Fill your mind with hymns and spiritual songs!
- Strive for a heart of gratitude. I know it is hard to be thankful in times like this. Gratitude guards our minds and gives us spiritual protection. We tend to think of gratitude as an affection that springs up naturally when God provides for us, or protects us from harm or temptation, or answers our prayers. But gratitude, like prayer, is a spiritual discipline that requires effort and intentionality. Colossians has a lot to say about gratitude/being thankful. - Paul prayed that "you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. (Colossians 1:9–12) ; "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. (Colossians 2:6-7) ; Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15–17) ; Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. (Colossians 4:2). You might be asking, "What in the world is there about depression to be thankful for?". Let's look to some truth. We know that God uses suffering to conform us into the image of Christ and draw us closer to Him. We also learn more about who God is in times of suffering - His character, His love, His faithfulness, His power. Through our suffering we are able to comfort others who suffer in the same ways. If we truly love God, all of this will work out for our good and His Glory! Most of all...our Heavenly Father gave up His own Son for our salvation! Jesus has already won! He has conquered death and the grave for us! He has freely covered us in His righteousness. We have access to the Holy Spirit who gives us power to not only fight off this heavy fog of depression, but also to conquer all of life's everyday circumstances. It is so important to try to keep a heart of gratitude during times of depression. I have a little notebook that I have these and other truths written down in and when I am struggling I pick it up and read them all, over and over again, until my mind is once again at peace. We will never be able to lift our hearts from despair to worship without expressing thanks to God.
Grace and Peace,
Jeanette
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